i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
