Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
