It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
