i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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