I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
