No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
