ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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