you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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