Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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