The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
