dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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