her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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