Porn is love you can see.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
