even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
