That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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