we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
