Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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