All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
