I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
