I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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