Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is wine microwaveable?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
