i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
