I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
