planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
