feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
