It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
