she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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