Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
