I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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