Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
