i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
