my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
