My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
