my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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