The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
