He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
