best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
