Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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