I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
