508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
