Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
