my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
