guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
