I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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