I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
