Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
