Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
