Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
