Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
