my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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