I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
