it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
