just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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