Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
