I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
