My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
